permission to resurface

In my former life (as in pre-babies) I was a copywriter and wannabe designer for an in-house marketing team. The "real" graphic designer and I loved to play around with new fonts, tweak photos, scour magazines for ideas, and just have general creative fun. While getting paid for it!

I miss those days.

Don't get me wrong, like other sahm's I love love love my babies, hubby, and home life. I am totally blessed to have the luxury to stay home and see these precious little personalities develop.

But I do miss my creativity. To the core of my being, I miss being creative. To have some quiet time just to myself to let those juices flow. sigh Being creative, whether it's writing, designing, doing diy projects, painting, sewing, etc... is so much a part of me. It's who I am, it's in my soul, it's the talent that God chose to give me.

But I have pushed it aside these past 7 years.

Slowly I am trying to resurface. Do you ever look in the mirror and wonder 'who the heck is that person?' and 'where did that vibrant, young, 20-something disappear to?' Well, that is how I've been feeling for several years. Sometimes I don't even recognize myself. This mommy martyr syndrome has its claws in me and sometimes doesn't want to let go.

but I am peeling away the layers, slowly but surely. I am realizing that in order to be the best mommy possible, I need to be the best me possible. and that includes a healthy does of creativity every day.

So that's my goal for this year. I'm giving myself permission to resurface. To take off the mommy martyr mask and start living again. Do I feel guilty doing the things I love to do, while my kids watch a movie or play in their rooms?

yes.

but I'm trying to get over it. This blog will help I think. Here I have a place to spill my guts. no matter how irrational or unproductive they are.

Emily's blog over at Chatting at the Sky speaks to my heart. God is a creator. (well - duh!) I think I should have thought of that long before now. But He is. God is creative too!

If you pick up the Bible and start on page one, the first thing we see God do is to create. It was priority number one. It was not an afterthought. He had a purpose and a vision, and he made it come to be. If you tend to see creating art as a luxury, or if you feel guilty about your creative self, I want to urge you to reconsider. You were made in the image of Someone who places a high priority on creativity. To deny that part of yourself is insulting.

Which means, He totally gets it! He's on my side and He knows my heart inside and out. I shouldn't be feeling guilty. I should be rejoicing at this precious gift He has given me!

Thank you Lord for giving me Emily's encouraging words today. And thank you for the gift of creativity you have given me. Help me to use it to glorify you and bless others - not hide it in my closet behind the ill fitting pants and the sometimes-used dumbbells. amen.